I just don’t know what it is about good food – it makes me extremely happy. I am sure there is a perfectly neurobiological explanation for it.
I was watching (no prizes for guessing) Eat Pray Love and I had this urge to order spaghetti in carbonara! But I settled for Spaghetti in Pomodoro (mostly because I am vegetarian).
I also ordered a something something malanzane! The food arrived. I dove into it. Exquisite. It made me so happy; extremely happy in fact. I cannot believe I almost forgot the chocolate cheesecake with almond flakes on top. My mouth is watering. (Mia Cucina is the place that has given me this happiness and I highly recommend it.)
As regards prayer, I am not sure how much I have prayed as much as tried to discover myself. But that’s a very difficult balance to achieve. One needs to be a part of this world and yet one needs to shed the illusions and seek oneself. Yes it does sound tough, the truth is, that prayer is just a part of every day life. Then slowly prayer dissolves into everyday actions. Bathing my daughter, sending drafts out to clients, talking a walk, going to a temple – all of this becomes a form of prayer.
Now we come to what really matters in life and that which is so difficult to achieve – love. The old man in the movie says that it’s ok to lose balance for love. The balance that has been achieved with so much difficulty – you can lose for love.
Lately, I have lost my balance. I quit my job (which people who really know me would know how difficult it must have been for me). I gave up financial independence. I gave up the pride of my own house. Everything for love – the love of a daughter. It is one of the most beautiful kinds of love that I have ever felt. I think I am beginning to understand what my father feels when he looks at me.
This love is unique because it is internal. It has no external forces acting on it. I am reading a book by Edward de Bono, where he says that man’s greatest invention is the bicycle. It makes man so much more effective and efficient and simply uses man’s own force. It does not require any external force. The same is with love for your daughter, your children.
It is a love that that does not require to be requited. It is something I fee from within me. A powerful force, something I never knew existed or which I was capable of.
Her smile fills my day with happiness. Yes, not just joy but happiness. I feel full, like my heart is overflowing. Actually in that one instant all my woes seem to be forgotten and I only want to embrace her.
I go to bed looking at her beautiful, serene face and wake up to her chuckle. I don’t want more. I don’t want any more.