I was going to write something titled “Confessions of a foodaholic”. But then I changed my mind. I want to write about so many things and not just food or my cravings for food.
I had a bad incident this morning after which I decided I am going to eat good food today. I conjured up a simple South Indian meal, had my fill in the afternoon and went to sleep. I ate rice at home after I don’t know how long. The thing is I have been on this “high-protein” diet for longest time. I admit I am about 30 kilos overweight and probably even need it. But I felt good today after a long time, not cheated after a meal. The truth is, we let symptoms decide how we live.
If you are fat, avoid rice, do not eat butter. Do not eat carbs. What are we trying to do? Relive atkins. Just the classification of protein is much wider. Strangely, I have not felt this free in a long time.
It made think. What is freedom really? If all I have is choice between 2 types of low fat ice – cream, is that real choice. What if I have a choice between 22 different ice-creams – would that be freedom? I can never be totally free if that is the kind of choice I would make.
I always had this argument with my aunt, when she would con her daughter into doing what she wanted. But her daughter (my cousin) was only 3 when she picked up on it… Her mom would say – do you want Idlis or do you want curd (yoghurt) and rice? She would reply unfettered – I want dosa. And I would applaud her for making a choice she wasn’t offered. (Well its a different issue, she never got her way – but atleast she chose).
ZIzek (I don’t know much about him) changed the way I think about freedom. The true freedom comes to people like my cousin – the 4 year old, who looked beyond and refused to get tied down. Zizek says real freedom is today an illusory concept. Every step of the way there are social dogmas that govern your reaction, your thought processes, your behaviour and your choices.
What really interested me about what Zizek said – was about passive aggressive parenting. I don’t agree with you or like your behaviour. You are free to choose to do what you wish but I will not approve and will be disappointed in you. Does any kid, whose parent says this to him, call himself free? It set me thinking. We all wield power in our relationships. We sort of, begin to own the person we are with. Couples do it all the time. At what point in time do you of your own volition cave in to your partners thought process, your partners way of life and your partner to yours.
Anyway that’s about relationship. Actually I have no topic in mind but I still feel like I am digressing from the topic.
I woke up and made french toast. It felt lovely. No egg yellow… It was I think a year! May be more – since I had had french toast. I said – Screw – No egg yellow. I will make and eat french toast the way its supposed to be made. It felt good.
I saw two movies today – back to back. Midnight in Paris and Fairgame. Both movies although diametrically different from each other, pretty much make you think about the same thing.
Midnight in Paris is Owen Wilson, a novelist in the making who somehow manages to go into a different time. He loves Paris in 1920s and every day at mid-night has an adventure which transports him back to the 1920s. He loves it in that era. Then somehow, he and his beau move further back into 1890s. Woody Allen is funny as funny can get. It was then that Owen Wilson’s character realises that he was living in denial. A character from the 1920s felt they were happier in 1890s. The present was dull. The future is unknown. The past however is known and familiar (we read so much about it). Therefore the comfort of being in the past. Denial – that is our generations biggest problem. We love Anna Hazare but forget about him when the IPhone S4 launches. Steve Jobs death is a bigger news than the 2G scam. Denial.
I live in denial too. I do not read newspapers (only the yellow ones on finance). Newspapers depress me. I feel hopeless and like a useless twit on this planet, in this universe. What do I do? I stop reading newspapers. I hate the mindless politics in India. I don’t think our politicians are even worth criticising. Even dumb George Bush is better than Sonia Gandhi and Manmohan Singh. George Bush went after Iraq (we all know why) and then fought to keep that down. Our guys, don’t care. They don’t care what the people think because they know that the people are easily distracted. They know that if they keep quiet on all issues, people will soon stop asking questions. What do you do with that kind of arrogance?
Fairgame is a movie where Sean Penn and Naomi Watt fight the White House for waging the Iraq War on false pretexts. Truth of course is stranger than fiction.
Now I need to sleep as I have to wake up tomorrow and make scrambled eggs and hash brown. Soon I am going to be jobless and I will fill up more and more internet space with my nonsense.
So adieu till then.