I don’t really know how to deal with infidelity.
If one really loves another, there is no room for infidelity. However, the other side of the coin is that if one really loves another, one must be able to forgive infidelity!
Sometimes just the thought that the person you love could be interested in some one else, evokes a pang in the heart. It is a preplexing feeling. The victim of another’s infidelity could be both murderous and suicidal. One would hope to elevate to a higher moral level and raise it above jealousy. Ofcourse, jealousy is the state of mind of the affected and infidelity is the act of an “affector”.
Whenever I think of infidelity, I connect it to Milan Kundera’s – The Unbearable Lightness of Being”. The protagonist simply couldn’t help being an infidel. His wife and partner died of it. Every day she woke with the nausea of knowing that her partner had been elsewhere. He could see her pain, he could see her nausea, her anguish, but was helpless against his senses.
It is something that evokes different reactions. Some react by throwing you out of their lives. Some would leave. Some would kill themselves and some would murder the aide.
Despite being in a monogamous relationship can one defend infidelity. Anyone who understands the absurdity that is of being infidel to the one you love, should be able to dismiss it and not think about it.
Ofcourse infidelity can be of varied natures and intensities. To one, it would have to mean ultimately sleeping with another. To another it could be simply thinking about it. Do we oscillate between one extreme and another? Of course we do.
The question is – at what point does the relationship snap? Like the woman in Milan Kundera’s novel, if you are unable to snap the relationship, you will snap yourself.
I cannot explain the why of infidelity but I surely can explain monogamy. Every truly monogamous relationship is based on a conscious rational choice. It is not that you cannot leave your partner, but it is that you choose not to.
Is there some one who can explain infidelity to me?